Apparently, my brain has decided that all future dreams about John are going to have a common theme. I’ve already had this similar dream five or six times, all in row, whenever I dream about my husband. I really can’t remember a John-dream that was more positive, even when we were married! They were nearly all bad in some way. He had a lot of bad dreams concerning me too.
These dreams don’t always start the same way but at some point it changes focus to the all too frequent theme…
I’m living in a house, somewhat similar to the one we lived in Monmouth (a real crap hole) but a little less crappy. The area always looks a little like the Dallas-Monmouth area but not identical. In the dream, John has decided that he doesn’t want to live at home with me anymore. When this part of the dream starts, he’s already gone. He never stops to say goodbye; he’s just gone.
When I figure out that he’s left me, I also figure out that he’s decided to live “off the grid” to figure out his life… to find himself again. This is always very surprising and a little painful to me because in real life, he actually did live on the streets for a period of time when he was young. There is no way he would ever choose to do it again. It was a deeply ingrained fear.
Anyway, once I realize what he’s done, I start driving around everywhere, trying to find the “camp” he’s chosen to make for himself. Sometimes, when I’m driving, I wonder how the bills are going to get paid, where will he get is mail, what he will eat, how will I survive without. I always deeply feel that I MUST find him. I spend a lot of time driving up and down a river (yes, sometimes I’m actually on the river… in a car), searching the banks for his campsite. Sometimes I find “false” camps, sometimes I don’t. I usually have someone with me at the time; frequently it’s my mom… I don’t know why.
I’ve kind of figured out the car-on-water thing. I’ve always had a deep fear of drowning in a car. If you believe this kind of stuff, it makes me wonder if, in a past life, I died this way. A lot of stressful dreams (or nightmares) have a car and water figured in them somehow, just to add a little more suspense, so it’s not a big surprise that it would occur in these dreams.
At some point, he will make a very brief entrance in the dream, usually to tell me, “it’s not you, it’s me” and that he hopes I understand, hopes that he will find himself and be happy again.
I never do.
These dreams don’t always start the same way but at some point it changes focus to the all too frequent theme…
I’m living in a house, somewhat similar to the one we lived in Monmouth (a real crap hole) but a little less crappy. The area always looks a little like the Dallas-Monmouth area but not identical. In the dream, John has decided that he doesn’t want to live at home with me anymore. When this part of the dream starts, he’s already gone. He never stops to say goodbye; he’s just gone.
When I figure out that he’s left me, I also figure out that he’s decided to live “off the grid” to figure out his life… to find himself again. This is always very surprising and a little painful to me because in real life, he actually did live on the streets for a period of time when he was young. There is no way he would ever choose to do it again. It was a deeply ingrained fear.
Anyway, once I realize what he’s done, I start driving around everywhere, trying to find the “camp” he’s chosen to make for himself. Sometimes, when I’m driving, I wonder how the bills are going to get paid, where will he get is mail, what he will eat, how will I survive without. I always deeply feel that I MUST find him. I spend a lot of time driving up and down a river (yes, sometimes I’m actually on the river… in a car), searching the banks for his campsite. Sometimes I find “false” camps, sometimes I don’t. I usually have someone with me at the time; frequently it’s my mom… I don’t know why.
I’ve kind of figured out the car-on-water thing. I’ve always had a deep fear of drowning in a car. If you believe this kind of stuff, it makes me wonder if, in a past life, I died this way. A lot of stressful dreams (or nightmares) have a car and water figured in them somehow, just to add a little more suspense, so it’s not a big surprise that it would occur in these dreams.
At some point, he will make a very brief entrance in the dream, usually to tell me, “it’s not you, it’s me” and that he hopes I understand, hopes that he will find himself and be happy again.
I never do.
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