It’s been far too long since I posted anything. My life has been in a kind of whirlwind for the last couple of months that I didn’t know how, or was ready, to express until now.
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Most people who know me, know that there is NO topic that is taboo with me. I will discuss ANYTHING. I may not bring it up first, but open the door and ya better be prepared for my candid response! I will talk about things that make even the most open and honest person blush like a school girl. I have to admit that I actually enjoy it when that happens. I think it’s good for the soul to let yourself free.
Some people have made me their secret sound board because they feel they can’t talk about it with anyone else, including spouses (which I believe is just wrong; I think you should be totally open with your significant other about all things secret). I love that they feel that comfortable with me! I will never judge someone who will let their guard down and spill their guts, or other body parts, even if the topic is beyond my experience or even just plain fricken weird!
So, on that note… I guess you can call this paying it forward?
Over the last few months, my life has taken a huge turn for the better in regards to having someone I can be completely open with. I’ve known this person for 15 years and we have always been very close, in all ways. Our timing has always sucked though. One, or both, of us has been in another relationship, usually a relationship that is failing anyway. I lost this person about 5 years ago to the detriment of both of us, but the fates have brought us back together again. And what a marvelous roller-coaster it’s been!
I came across a phrase recently, Sacred Intimacy. To me that means an intimacy so profound, so trusting with absolutely no threat of harm, physical or mental, that you become one with each other. A willingness to explore new avenues that you had never thought you’d do before, usually out of fear or judgment. I had heard about this magical thing before but never thought it was attainable for me.
This person and I have always had a very rewarding love life. But looking back there was still… a block or wall that prevented a true Sacred Intimacy. In our love making, I always came first (pun not intended) unless I requested otherwise, so I ignored the block. I don’t know if it has something to do with maturity but from the moment we saw each other again after 5 years, something has changed. Without even really trying that hard, Sacred Intimacy has become a very real and tangible thing that we are both holding very close to our hearts. We are so profoundly trusting of each other, we feel so completely safe that there are no blocks or walls that we have to hurdle anymore. We want to try new things that may have scared us before.
Some of you may know that a few years ago there was someone else I was trying to bring closer to me. All my efforts failed although we are still very close. His life just wasn’t ready and may never be. He will always be in my heart, my rock. Although, at this time I am having to be his rock. It breaks my heart to see him so miserable but I’ve accepted that it’s out of my hands. All I can be is his support during this truly crappy part of his life. He was there for me during my crappy times.
I don’t think I’m the only girl out there that gets moved by what really is a very tiny little thing. Last week, my man (he’s always been mine in spirit) said that he wanted to make love to me. Make love. Two simple little words. Too simple little words that he had never used before. It has never been easy from him to say the word love, in any form and I totally understand. In my childhood I never used that word. I didn’t want to let anyone, even my family, that close to me. I never truly hugged anyone until I was in my mid teens. I don’t know why but there is probably a reason why and a reason why my brain is blocking it from me. Until my brain unlocks it, I just accept that I was a strange child. It may be why I tried to beat the crap out of my sister with every chance I got. She could love so easily.
Make love. When I heard those words from him, I just about cried my eyes out.
Yes, he is currently “unavailable” to truly be with me, but I know that day will come as surely as I know the sun will rise tomorrow morning. I’ve waited 15 years for it. Waiting a little while longer is worth it. I know some people will call me crazy. I never claimed to be sane!
Sacred Intimacy.
We talk as often as possible. We email back forth all day during the week. He makes time in his life for me. What a concept. Time for me. We have so much fun together. Isn’t that what making love is supposed to be? Fun? With every other lover in my life it’s always been so serious. I’ve been a flirt in the past but that skill went by the wayside long ago. Some of you will know why. There is no better remedy for a fractured ego than hot, steamy flirtations. It does the soul good, trust me.
There are some things that a majority of men have a real problem with, some say it’s homophobia. I think it has a lot to do with being so vulnerable with someone. They just don’t realize the full extent of what their wonderful bodies can do! Ask a man where his erotic zones are and he’s say his penis. Always the penis. There’s something wrong with that.
About a week ago, my man put his vulnerability into my hands completely. What would’ve grossed me out a few years ago, is oh, so intriguing now. He said he was ready to try prostate massage. I want to do everything I can to take his sexual experiences to a new level. So, I did what I do every time something new and intriguing crosses my path. I researched it.
The prostate is the equivalent of the female g-spot. Why the hell wouldn’t they want to know more about it… and use it! I’m sure some men also don’t realize that their penises are also larger then outwardly appearing. The base of the penis is actually located in their perineum between the testicles and the anus… and is highly sensitive. A third erotic zone! Oh my!
In my quest for new information, I’ve had to dig through all kinds of informational and pornographic web sites… no worries there, I fully admit to enjoying porn. I’ve learned a variety of new techniques that I’m very eager to try. He’s just about bursting at the seams getting ready to be my guinea pig. I went to the local adult shop (been a very long time since I’ve done that) and consulted with employees. Apparently, my lack of taboo subjects aids in graphic descriptions to strangers too. Never mind that it’s a little weird talking sex with an experienced, knowledgeable employee who is half my age! I’m eagerly waiting the day that I can bring him in there with me. Oh, the fun we will have! I got out of there with several toys and the perfect lube (according to the employee) to start my man off very slowly. I’ve picked up some great massage ideas for his perineum area.
My man, who just a few months ago before we found each other, had pretty much given up on having good sex again, is now almost experiencing a euphoric high… and I haven’t even tried it yet! We are both ecstatic that we have each other again, two people who have perfectly matched libidos. How often does that happen? I’m still the priority to him but with patience and a gentle touch, I hope he’ll find out what an amazing recipient he will be! I cannot express how wonderful it is to be so comfortable, so trusting with someone that we can be completely free with each other.
Sacred Intimacy.
Trust me, all my favorite women-folk, it pays to do some research. I’ll let you know how mine goes!
